Secrets of "the gift of blarney"

Have you ever watched someone who is good at small talk "work a room", and wished you too could start conversations with strangers? Have you  wondered what he or she knew that you didn't about how to start a conversation?

Small talk, or "the gift of blarney", is the ability to try to find something in common with the person to whom you are speaking.  The first skill is figuring out what you and the other person might have in common, such as a friend, an employer, a neighborhood, an industry, or a hobby.  Plan your questions to ask the person. Start with a comment and then a general question. For example, "This is a wonderful convention! What part of it have you liked the most?" For a neighborhood barbeque, be more direct.

"Hi, I'm new here. My name is Bob. What's your name?"

The second skill is finding the right person to approach. Ideally, it's someone who is standing alone (and possibly wishing he could disappear). Make eye contact with the person, and then approach him or her with your questions. Look very interested in the person. If he  backs off or leans or turns slightly away, it's a nonverbal sign that he is not interested in talking to you.

There are many other "secrets" to giving yourself the "gift of blarney"! Learn about how to continue a conversation and also how to plant pre-planned, innocuous-sounding questions in it to see if the person would be a good prospect for your business or group. Where should you wear your name-tag to help others most easily? Find out how to end the conversation graciously, too.

 

 All these and more are in the concise e-book, Small Talk: Connecting with Others .  Get this inexpensive e-book here! For those want individual coaching in social skills, from eye contact to conversations and much more, contact Business Speech Improvement! How could your life be different with this knowledge?

Small talk: What do you say after "hello"?

It's that time of year when many soon-to-be graduates are interviewing for their first jobs. Even though they have terrific skills in technical areas, many of them from other countries still struggle with soft skills, such as making "small talk". The reason is that various countries have their own style of doing this, and these interviewees are uncertain of the American version.

In the United States, "small talk" is used at the start of interviews, or in pre-interview dinners and other social occasions, to help people find areas of commonality. It is also used to relax the nervous interviewees.

After the host says "hello", he or she usually asks a question, about a general topic. The guest responds, and then may ask a question to the other person.

For example, the host might say, "How was your trip?" The interviewee might respond, "It was great! I love the weather here. Is it usually this nice in spring?"

Think of small talk like a tennis game. Each side makes a statement and asks a question.

Based on the information provided by the other person, the questions will naturally change. For example, if the host mentions that he saw a great exhibit at the local museum yesterday, the guest could follow-up with a question about the museum, such as "That sounds wonderful. What are some of the other exhibits the museum has had recently?" or "What other great museums are here in town?"

Once the interviewer starts asking interview questions, the interviewee naturally responds to those without asking questions. At the end of most interviews, the interviewer asks if the person has any questions about the position (or company). This is the time to ask for more details about the position, such as responsibilities, training, a typical day, or relocation to another community if this is expected.

For more tips on starting, maintaining or ending a conversation, get Business Speech Improvement's concise e-book, Small Talk: Connecting with Others. Learn the secrets of small talk, American-style!

Social Skills in the Workplace

A manager came up to me at an event , and told me he had a quandary.

He had a number of highly technically qualified employees who had contact with the public and also had poor social skills. He asked me if help was available.  The answer was a qualified "yes", if the employees knew they had a problem with this and if they truly wanted the help. The amount they would benefit would depend on these two factors,  their willingness to put the skills to work, and some support from an onsite mentor in addition to an outside coach.

What are some of the social skills we are talking about? They would include tone of voice, eye contact, greeting others, knowing how to start, continue, join and end a conversation, awareness of how to  talk with a customer, colleague and supervisor, how to phrase negative messages positively,  how to understand the company culture, and more.

For example, in your office, who makes the coffee, if there is any, and cleans the coffee maker? Does everyone take a turn bringing in baked goodies? Who helps out colleagues who need assistance, or volunteers for specific tasks?

Who is to attend various meetings, and who speaks at them? Who is a leader in your department, even though he or she may not have the title? (That person may have influence over decisions, and knowledge of people and processes.) How do you handle workplace conflicts fairly and appropriately? Should you call your supervisor by his first name, or more formally by his title and last name (eg, Mr. Smith, Dr. Jones)?

Social skills are related to emotional intelligence, or EI.  EI involves understanding your own and others' emotions, and acting on them appropriately.  Social skills involve being aware of how your actions impact your own and others' perceptions of you. Most social skills involve verbal or non-verbal communication.

What can be done to help people improve their social skills at work? The process starts with the supervisor and employee completing questionnaires to determine the areas of concern, and then individual coaching to address those areas.

Business Speech Improvement provides communication skills coaching to adults in the workforce.

It also offers an e-book, Small Talk:Connecting with Others, which is packed with specific techniques, for those whose primary concern is this particular skill.