Secrets of "the gift of blarney"

Have you ever watched someone who is good at small talk "work a room", and wished you too could start conversations with strangers? Have you  wondered what he or she knew that you didn't about how to start a conversation?

Small talk, or "the gift of blarney", is the ability to try to find something in common with the person to whom you are speaking.  The first skill is figuring out what you and the other person might have in common, such as a friend, an employer, a neighborhood, an industry, or a hobby.  Plan your questions to ask the person. Start with a comment and then a general question. For example, "This is a wonderful convention! What part of it have you liked the most?" For a neighborhood barbeque, be more direct.

"Hi, I'm new here. My name is Bob. What's your name?"

The second skill is finding the right person to approach. Ideally, it's someone who is standing alone (and possibly wishing he could disappear). Make eye contact with the person, and then approach him or her with your questions. Look very interested in the person. If he  backs off or leans or turns slightly away, it's a nonverbal sign that he is not interested in talking to you.

There are many other "secrets" to giving yourself the "gift of blarney"! Learn about how to continue a conversation and also how to plant pre-planned, innocuous-sounding questions in it to see if the person would be a good prospect for your business or group. Where should you wear your name-tag to help others most easily? Find out how to end the conversation graciously, too.

 

 All these and more are in the concise e-book, Small Talk: Connecting with Others .  Get this inexpensive e-book here! For those want individual coaching in social skills, from eye contact to conversations and much more, contact Business Speech Improvement! How could your life be different with this knowledge?

Small talk: What do you say after "hello"?

It's that time of year when many soon-to-be graduates are interviewing for their first jobs. Even though they have terrific skills in technical areas, many of them from other countries still struggle with soft skills, such as making "small talk". The reason is that various countries have their own style of doing this, and these interviewees are uncertain of the American version.

In the United States, "small talk" is used at the start of interviews, or in pre-interview dinners and other social occasions, to help people find areas of commonality. It is also used to relax the nervous interviewees.

After the host says "hello", he or she usually asks a question, about a general topic. The guest responds, and then may ask a question to the other person.

For example, the host might say, "How was your trip?" The interviewee might respond, "It was great! I love the weather here. Is it usually this nice in spring?"

Think of small talk like a tennis game. Each side makes a statement and asks a question.

Based on the information provided by the other person, the questions will naturally change. For example, if the host mentions that he saw a great exhibit at the local museum yesterday, the guest could follow-up with a question about the museum, such as "That sounds wonderful. What are some of the other exhibits the museum has had recently?" or "What other great museums are here in town?"

Once the interviewer starts asking interview questions, the interviewee naturally responds to those without asking questions. At the end of most interviews, the interviewer asks if the person has any questions about the position (or company). This is the time to ask for more details about the position, such as responsibilities, training, a typical day, or relocation to another community if this is expected.

For more tips on starting, maintaining or ending a conversation, get Business Speech Improvement's concise e-book, Small Talk: Connecting with Others. Learn the secrets of small talk, American-style!

Small Talk: Keeping the Conversation Going

You're at your in-law's house, or the home of a friend of a friend. You want to be a great guest, but after 10 minutes, you have nothing to say. You'll be there for another 24 hours, so what can you do? The secret is to be a wonderful listener, and keep the host talking!

Here are 2.5 ways to keep talking - and maybe make a friendship stronger.

Ask your host about his hobbies. Decide you will learn 3 things about his hobby, whatever it is. (It might come in handy some day to know this information.) When your host stops talking, say "tell me more about ___",  or "that ___ sounds  fascinating!"  and nod appreciatively.

Ask follow-up questions. For example, "You said that you enjoy ___. How did you get into it/learn so much about it/find the time to do it?" You can also ask questions about the gear needed to do the hobby, or his favorite publications on this hobby. (This information may be useful if you buy him a gift later on.)

The .5 method is to use interjections liberally, complete with great eye contact and slightly leaning forward. Interjections are comments such as "mmm-hmm",  "wow, that's impressive!", "you don't say!" and "really?" With a great start to the conversation and a talkative host, this technique can keep a conversation going for a long time!

Business Speech Improvement offers more conversational tips for the conversationally-challenged  in the e-book Small Talk: Connecting with Others.

It's holiday season! Are you dreading the holiday parties?

The holidays will be here soon! Are you excited - or are you dreading them?

Do you try hard to avoid holiday events, or if you go, wish you could melt through the floor?

A vital skill in enjoying and otherwise often benefiting from holiday parties is the ability to make "small talk", or start a conversation with strangers. Some people know how to do this instinctively, but many people have to learn the technique.

Start by coming up with 5 questions you can ask anyone at the event. What could you have in common with these people? For example, do you live in the same community, work in the same industry or company, or share some other common interest? Before the event, check the local media so you can talk intelligently about local events, and write the 5 questions. Memorize them.

At the event, find someone who is also alone, and try to catch his eye. Go over to him and ask your questions. Really listen to his answers, and follow up with more questions. If no questions spark a conversation, say good-bye and find someone else.

For more details about starting, continuing and graciously ending a conversation, get the concise e-book Small Talk:Connecting with Others! Learn the "secrets" of this vital skill. Let this be the holiday season when your small talk skills shine!

           

        

Social Skills in the Workplace

A manager came up to me at an event , and told me he had a quandary.

He had a number of highly technically qualified employees who had contact with the public and also had poor social skills. He asked me if help was available.  The answer was a qualified "yes", if the employees knew they had a problem with this and if they truly wanted the help. The amount they would benefit would depend on these two factors,  their willingness to put the skills to work, and some support from an onsite mentor in addition to an outside coach.

What are some of the social skills we are talking about? They would include tone of voice, eye contact, greeting others, knowing how to start, continue, join and end a conversation, awareness of how to  talk with a customer, colleague and supervisor, how to phrase negative messages positively,  how to understand the company culture, and more.

For example, in your office, who makes the coffee, if there is any, and cleans the coffee maker? Does everyone take a turn bringing in baked goodies? Who helps out colleagues who need assistance, or volunteers for specific tasks?

Who is to attend various meetings, and who speaks at them? Who is a leader in your department, even though he or she may not have the title? (That person may have influence over decisions, and knowledge of people and processes.) How do you handle workplace conflicts fairly and appropriately? Should you call your supervisor by his first name, or more formally by his title and last name (eg, Mr. Smith, Dr. Jones)?

Social skills are related to emotional intelligence, or EI.  EI involves understanding your own and others' emotions, and acting on them appropriately.  Social skills involve being aware of how your actions impact your own and others' perceptions of you. Most social skills involve verbal or non-verbal communication.

What can be done to help people improve their social skills at work? The process starts with the supervisor and employee completing questionnaires to determine the areas of concern, and then individual coaching to address those areas.

Business Speech Improvement provides communication skills coaching to adults in the workforce.

It also offers an e-book, Small Talk:Connecting with Others, which is packed with specific techniques, for those whose primary concern is this particular skill.

Responding to a Compliment

Some people have difficulty responding to a well-earned compliment. They may not like to accept praise, may not feel they earned it, or feel embarrassed by the compliment because they consider themselves humble. Nonetheless, a compliment is a verbal gift, an acknowledgement that someone has noticed and considers your action to be praise-worthy.  As such, the proper response is a simple, "Thank you!" 

If making small talk is also difficult for you, the e-book "Small Talk:Connecting with Others" explains small talk's big impact. It also gives you tips on starting, continuing and ending a conversation with others. Get this helpful e-book here.

Dating online? 3 Communication Tips

If you are dating online, and the e-mails and texts stop flying after a few exchanges, consider these tips.

First, the communication exchange is like a (written) conversation. Go back over it, if possible, and think about what you missed. Did you, for example, comment on the other person's responses and ask frequent questions, like you would in a conversation? Or did you expect the other person to carry the weight of the conversation and "draw you out", continuing to ask you questions so you could talk about yourself? (This might feel like being interviewed, for some people.) If one person is doing all the work to continue the conversation, he or she may decide it's not worth it. On the other hand, if the other person is responding barely, maybe it is because of shyness or maybe its due to a lack of interest.

Second, did you ask the other person how he/she prefers to communicate initially, whether on the dating site, e-mail, chatting online or via telephone? People have definite preferences on this.

If the other person mentioned a situation or problem she was having, how did you react? While this is to some degree a generalization, often women who are expressing problems want a listener (of either sex) to empathize, while a male wants a listener to try to solve the problem, if he can.

If nothing else works, and you are still interested in this person, mention that the correspondence has dropped off and ask if  there is still interest on the other person's part in continuing it.

Business Speech Improvement provides training in verbal skills, including a valuable e-book called "Small Talk:Connecting with Others".  It covers starting, continuing and ending a conversation, and many of the tips in it could be used during the beginning stages of dating online.

Shy? How to make conversation at a social event

You're supposed to attend an important social gathering in the next few days, and you'd rather do anything but go. Worse yet, you know you need to make a good impression on those who are there,
but you are shy.

First, think about whether you will be having to make small talk with strangers as you mingle, or whether you will be seated at a table and only having to talk to those next to you. If you make small talk as you mingle, this means you will need to choose people with whom to speak. However, if the conversation fizzles after a good try, you can move on to talk to someone else!

To start small talk while mingling, try to locate 1-2 people who are by themselves or with just one other person. Try to catch the eye of one of them, which is a way of indicating interest and non-verbally asking permission to talk with the person. If no-one looks at you, stand perpendicular and slightly away from the person to whom you want to speak. When he or she looks at you, start by saying hello, and asking him or her a question. For example, "I understand we both work for XYZ Corporation, or are in the ABC field. I'm (say your name) and I wanted to learn more about what you do for them!"

When the other person answers,  give full attention, and ask a question about his earlier response. "So you work for the LMN Division! That always sounded interesting to me. What do you like best about it?"

If you are seated at a table and need to converse with those on both sides of you, choose one of them and ask a question to get the other person talking. For example, "I understand you are Pat's uncle. He is a good friend of mine! Do you live in the same community, or are you from someplace else?"

When the other person comments, follow up with a question based on something he has said, and sound truly interested. If appropriate, put in a few small comments about yourself, but keep the main focus on the other person.

People usually enjoy talking about themselves, and when they find an interested listener, it can be a rare treat!

For more techniques on how to start, continue and gracefully end a conversation, get the tip-filled practical e-book:

"Small Talk:Connecting with Others"!

Speech training and you!

Are you concerned about your speech or the speech of an employee? Speech training provides an assessment and a targeted program designed to make a person's speech as good as it can be, within a certain time frame of instruction. Listen as I explain what services are available from Business Speech Improvement. Business Speech Improvement also offers e-books and other products, for those who prefer them. Think about this: all of business requires some form of communication, whether it be pointing, talking or using electronics. Improve your verbal skills; visit www.BusinessSpeechImprovement.com today!

Easter and Passover, and communicative responsibility

It's almost time for Easter and Passover, two holy days for millions. If you will be gathering with family and friends for a special Easter dinner or Passover seder, are you able to start a conversation and make small talk with others there? Are you comfortable asking others questions and showing an interest in them, or do you expect them to do that so you can talk only about yourself? Communicative responsibility is taking responsibility for helping to keep the conversation going. Whether you are the host or the guest, you show an interest in others. You may start a conversation with someone who looks lost or is very shy, ask your host or hostess how you can help with the party, ask someone else a question about his family, work or hobbies, or simply ask someone else to tell you more about whatever she is discussing. Maybe starting a conversation with a stranger is hard for you. Before you go to the event, think of 5 questions you could ask him. For example, ask how he knows the host, or how long he has lived in the community. Do you need more tips? Small Talk: Connecting with Others is a concise e-book with many practical ways to start a conversation, keep it going, and end it graciously. You deserve to be more comfortable talking with others; this e-book is easy to read and gives tips that are easy to apply! Get it today! (Hurry, Passover and Easter are almost here!)

Small talk: a lot of blarney?

Blarney is a word that can mean flattery or nonsense, or in other words, flattery that is nonsense. A person who does this a lot is said to be "full of blarney". Small talk, on the other hand, is talking with a stranger in the hopes of either passing time or, more likely, making a connection between the two people. Flattery or nonsense are rarely involved. However, with St. Patrick's Day coming up, here are some tips on making small talk anyway. If you are in the midst of a conversation with a stranger and want to prolong it, a way to do this is to ask him or her to tell you more about the subject under discussion. If appropriate, ask a question, to show you are interested. If you want to leave the conversation, and only two of you are talking, give a reason so you have a stronger exit line. "It's been nice talking to you, but I need to go (to meet more people, to go out with my friend, etc)." If you want to connect with the person some other time, you could give him your business card, or simply write your e-mail or telephone number on a scrap of paper. "Small Talk:Connecting with Others" is a concise e-book that offers tips on starting, continuing and ending a conversation graciously. Small talk has big value; learn how to do it today!

It's getting close to Valentine's Day, and in the US, many people go to parties then. The big question comes up: what do you say to a stranger at one of these parties, if you want to know the person better? Before you go to the party, think of 5 questions you could ask someone there. You already have something in common with each of them - you are at the same event. Maybe you work for the same company or industry, or know the same host. One example might be " Hi! I'm (your name). I work as a (job title). What do you do in the X industry?" Let's say you have just bravely walked in the door to a room full of strangers. You know no-one there. As soon as you put your coat somewhere, look around and search for someone who is standing along. (If it helps, you can pretend to be the host at the party; some people do better if they imagine themselves in a role.) Often this person will be next to one of the walls, but not always. Look at him or her, and smile. If the person smiles (even slightly) back, go over and say hello. Tell the person your name and ask for his or hers. Then make a comment about the event and ask one of your questions. For example, "This is a terrific party! How do you know (the host)?" Be sure to respond to the other person's comments, and occasionally tell something about yourself as well. For more information on how to start, continue and graciously end your conversation, click here for the e-book, "Small Talk:Connecting with Others"! Learn the secrets of body language and conversational strategies to start that conversation and keep it flowing!

Missing the big picture?

After a business meeting today, three people left the room to talk. Two were there to talk business, while one was there to chat with the other two. Quite redundant, she could have given her message succinctly and left, which would have allowed her time to meet others, but she stayed. The other two waited patiently until she finished, talked to each other briefly about business and left. The chatterer missed the big picture, of two people really wanting to do business with each other. When three people get together for business, often two are there on an equal level, but one may be on a different level of the organizational structure. That one needs to be acutely aware of the situation, as to when in American culture it is useful to be involved and when to be quiet. When the three are strangers to each other, it can be harder to appropriately signal the chatterer. One way to do it is to say, "Thank you for your information, (name of chatterer).We appreciate your explaining that." Then, through slightly turning the body away from the chatterer, look at the other person with whom you want to talk, and ask, "As you were mentioning to me, (name of person)." Have you ever been in a situation like this? How did you handle it to turn your attention to the appropriate person to whom you really wanted to speak? As this can be a cultural issue, if you are not from the USA, please tell us your country! Business Speech Improvement offers an e-book on Small Talk:Connecting with Others.

New Year's Resolution: Speak Better!

Is one of your New Year's resolutions to improve your speech? Do you want to speak slower, use standard American pronunciation, feel more comfortable giving a presentation, be able to make
"small talk" more comfortably, be able to communicate more effectively with someone who has a hearing loss, or something else?

Business Speech Improvement offers a wide variety of economical
e-books on all of these topics! Small group open enrollment seminars and individual coaching are also available.

Top 5 Tips to Improve Your Speech

Top 5 Tips to Improve Your Speech
"Speech" means different things to people. So, the tips below try to cover a variety of needs.
5. When meeting strangers at a party or conference, think about what you have in common with them, and come up with a statement plus a question ahead of time. For example, "This is a great party! How do you know (the host)?" or "What do you do for the organization?"
4. If you give presentations, remember that you have just 30 seconds to capture your audience's attention. Use startling statistics, a surprising fact or a 2-3 sentence story to start your talk. Then say your name.
3. If you have a strong accent that impedes clear communication, speak slower and keep paper nearby to write any words that your listener does not understand.
2. When your speech is not understood, use a synonym, such as "excellent" for "very good".
1. To help you persuade others, remember the acronym WIIFM, "what's in it for me". Why should someone do what you want done? Will it save frustration or money, increase productivity or make it easier to meet goals?

For more great tips, check out Business Speech Improvement's economical e-books! Business Speech Improvement also provides intensive coaching.

Seatmate Success: Starting a Conversation While Traveling

With a record number of travelers this holiday season, many people find themselves sitting next to others on airplanes, at airports and at other functions. They want to talk with them but struggle to know what to say.

Start by making a statement about something you have in common, such as the long wait or the great view outside. Then ask a question. For example, "That's an beautiful sunset out there! Do you often fly at this time of day?" Follow it up with an open-ended question, such as "What's your favorite time to fly?"

Be sensitive to others who do not want to talk. Some people want to work or sleep, for example, or prefer not to talk to strangers. But many do, and just aren't sure how to start.

This tip and many others on starting, continuing and ending conversations can be found in an e-book, Small Talk:Connecting wth Others. This concise, practical e-book
can be ordered fr om http://businessspeechimprovement.com/enabler/scripts/category.pl?EBooks. It is published by Business Speech Improvement, which provides
intensive speech coaching and e-books on many related topics.

Shy at parties? Three tips to help

Many people feel hesitant to walk up to a stranger and start a conversation. Many years ago, people would be introduced by mutual friends, who might stay long enough to make sure the conversation was going well. Now, people start talking with others often without any help.

Here are three tips to make this easier. First, consider the goal of the conversation. Are you trying to make a new friend, determine if someone is a good business prospect, or
find out delicately how a new hire feels about a potential "hot topic"?

Plan a series of 3 -5 questions around this goal. If you want to make a new friend, ask how the person feels about living so close to the sports arena or university, for example.

Then, if you want to consider staying in touch, ask for the person's card. After the person is out of sight, write something on the back so you will remember this person, and follow up with him the next day by e-mail.

Many more tips on making small talk, including how to start and gracefully end a conversation, can be found in the e-book "Small Talk: Connecting with Others" (www.BusinessSpeechImprovement.com).

Hate talking to strangers at a meeting or party?

Memorial Day is coming up! Have you been invited to a social event? Or maybe you are going to a professional meeting. In either case, you will get more out of it if you talk to strangers there.

Here are two tips to get you started successfully. Before going to the event, start by deciding what you and any other person there have in common. Then craft 2 sets of statements + follow-up questions relating to that commonality. For example, "This is a wonderful party! How do you know (the people who are giving the party)?" Another option is "I saw you at the X session at the conference. What did you think of the speaker?"

Listen for "free" information and follow it up with questions. If the other person says, "From my perspective as a resident of X neighborhood, this plan doesn't make sense, " ask about how the person likes living in that community.

Many more practical tips to start, continue and gracefully end a conversation can be found in "Small Talk: Connecting with Others" at http://businessspeechimprovement.com/enabler/scripts/category.pl?EBooks.

Two things to listen for if you are self-conscious about your speech

Do you come from another part of the country and are self-conscious about how you sound? Do people ask you where you're from? Is this affecting your work or social life?

If you want to change your speech patterns, you need to listen to others whose speech you admire to find out what they are pronouncing differently than you. For example, they may say a certain vowel differently, or have a different intonation pattern or "lilt" to their speech. Record your speech and listen to it so you can analyze what you want to do differently. Start by saying the new sound in single words. (Use a dictionary to get a list of the words with that sound.)

A great set of speech archives of different dialects of English is at http://accent.gmu.edu/.

Professional Diction and Grammar/Regional Accent Modification is a intensive course offered by Business Speech Improvement. A rare Open Enrollment class will be offered in June, 2010. For details, visit http://businessspeechimprovement.com/enabler/scripts/category.pl?Classes .

Connecting with Strangers

Are you uncomfortable meeting strangers? If so, you have plenty of company!
If you go to a meeting, party, convention, new house of worship, or other event where you need to make connections, try some of these tips from my e-book, Small Talk:Connecting with Others
(www.BusinessSpeechImprovement.com). First, look approachable. Be well-groomed, smile and show good posture. Look around for others who are alone and seeking someone with whom to talk. Make eye contact and smile. If the other person does the same, go over to him or her. When you get there, use the tips in Small Talk: Connecting with Others to start a conversation!