Social Skills in the Workplace

A manager came up to me at an event , and told me he had a quandary.

He had a number of highly technically qualified employees who had contact with the public and also had poor social skills. He asked me if help was available.  The answer was a qualified "yes", if the employees knew they had a problem with this and if they truly wanted the help. The amount they would benefit would depend on these two factors,  their willingness to put the skills to work, and some support from an onsite mentor in addition to an outside coach.

What are some of the social skills we are talking about? They would include tone of voice, eye contact, greeting others, knowing how to start, continue, join and end a conversation, awareness of how to  talk with a customer, colleague and supervisor, how to phrase negative messages positively,  how to understand the company culture, and more.

For example, in your office, who makes the coffee, if there is any, and cleans the coffee maker? Does everyone take a turn bringing in baked goodies? Who helps out colleagues who need assistance, or volunteers for specific tasks?

Who is to attend various meetings, and who speaks at them? Who is a leader in your department, even though he or she may not have the title? (That person may have influence over decisions, and knowledge of people and processes.) How do you handle workplace conflicts fairly and appropriately? Should you call your supervisor by his first name, or more formally by his title and last name (eg, Mr. Smith, Dr. Jones)?

Social skills are related to emotional intelligence, or EI.  EI involves understanding your own and others' emotions, and acting on them appropriately.  Social skills involve being aware of how your actions impact your own and others' perceptions of you. Most social skills involve verbal or non-verbal communication.

What can be done to help people improve their social skills at work? The process starts with the supervisor and employee completing questionnaires to determine the areas of concern, and then individual coaching to address those areas.

Business Speech Improvement provides communication skills coaching to adults in the workforce.

It also offers an e-book, Small Talk:Connecting with Others, which is packed with specific techniques, for those whose primary concern is this particular skill.

Getting right to the point; changing your focus

Are you ever so focused on what you want to say when you go to see someone, that you forget to say "hello" first and see how the other person is doing? That's a common experience. You know it's rude, but you don't know how to change this.

When asked about this today, I advised the person asking me to imagine himself walking into his workplace and having a periscope rising from his head. Using the imaginary periscope, he is to look around and notice others, ask how they are doing, notice what they are doing, and only then to say what is on his mind. He may discover, for example, that when he notices his boss, she is in a bad mood or too rushed to listen to him at that time. He will know then to wait until another time to discuss the topic on his mind, or to see if someone else can help him.

Business  Speech Improvement offers intensive coaching and economical e-books on many aspects of verbal communication, such as executive communication skills, presentation skills, verbal networking and more! Enroll today in our free online e-magazine, too!

When a friend at work has bad news Recently someone asked me when he should do upon hearing a friend from work had some bad personal news. He and his friend were both in the USA. (Customs may be different in other cultures.) His dilemma was that he didn't want to disturb his friend, but did want his friend to know he was thinking of him and was available to help if needed. His friend had taken some time off to deal with the situation. I suggested he text, e-mail or call him friend and let him know he was concerned. He should ask what he could do to be of help, such as doing some driving for the friend, bringing over some food, running some errands or whatever else was needed. When the friend returns to work, he could take him out to lunch or just bring him up to date on events at work. What is usually done in this situation where you work? What is appropriate in other countries, too? Share your ideas!

What comes after college applications?

Many high school seniors and their parents are rejoicing now that their college applications are done. Then the parents start to think about what skills and knowledge their children still need to learn to be successful in college, such as time and money management, tips on doing laundry and making friends, even on how to lengthen a paper - but the students don't want to listen now. Portable Parent (www.portableparent.com) is a wonderful solution to this problem.

Portable Parent is a unique online e-book. Parents download it, add their own insights to selected chapters, and upload it on their children's computers. When the students need the information - even at 1 AM, it's waiting for them, and they keep their treasured independence! Parents, meanwhile, can relax knowing the information is waiting for their children.

Always Late?

Many people are habitually late to meetings and appointments. It can be a sign of poor "executive function" skills. "Executive function" means having the ability to plan and implement (or "execute") actions. People with ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome or who have had right-sided strokes or head trauma (from accidents) may have poor skills in this. Other people can, as well.

Regardless of the cause of the problem, others may interpret habitual lateness as disrespect for their time. It's as if the person with habitual lateness does not care about anyone else's time but his own. "Only my own time is important" is what the person seems be saying. In fact, the person is often totally unaware of the impact he is having on others; he never considers the fact that his lateness has any impact on others.

Ways to address it include showing the person (often in writing) how the lateness affected others,
and helping the person plan his schedule appropriately.