Small talk: What do you say after "hello"?

It's that time of year when many soon-to-be graduates are interviewing for their first jobs. Even though they have terrific skills in technical areas, many of them from other countries still struggle with soft skills, such as making "small talk". The reason is that various countries have their own style of doing this, and these interviewees are uncertain of the American version.

In the United States, "small talk" is used at the start of interviews, or in pre-interview dinners and other social occasions, to help people find areas of commonality. It is also used to relax the nervous interviewees.

After the host says "hello", he or she usually asks a question, about a general topic. The guest responds, and then may ask a question to the other person.

For example, the host might say, "How was your trip?" The interviewee might respond, "It was great! I love the weather here. Is it usually this nice in spring?"

Think of small talk like a tennis game. Each side makes a statement and asks a question.

Based on the information provided by the other person, the questions will naturally change. For example, if the host mentions that he saw a great exhibit at the local museum yesterday, the guest could follow-up with a question about the museum, such as "That sounds wonderful. What are some of the other exhibits the museum has had recently?" or "What other great museums are here in town?"

Once the interviewer starts asking interview questions, the interviewee naturally responds to those without asking questions. At the end of most interviews, the interviewer asks if the person has any questions about the position (or company). This is the time to ask for more details about the position, such as responsibilities, training, a typical day, or relocation to another community if this is expected.

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Maintaining a Conversation: Don't Know What To Say?

Don't Know What To Say in a Conversation?

Have you ever been in a situation in which the other person is talking about something to which you don't agree (but you don't want to say anything), or you have no idea what he is talking about?

Sometimes a neutral answer is best. Great examples include, "What an idea!", "Oh my goodness", "Is that so?", or  even "I see".

"Small Talk: Connecting with Others" is a helpful e-book just packed with ideas on how to start, continue and graciously end conversations. It can be used for both business and personal conversations. To get it, click here.

Conversational dynamics: Using open-ended versus closed-ended questions

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to control a conversation? Maybe you were in a hurry, the other person was very talkative, or you needed to encourage him to speak at greater length.

Open-ended questions are those which can have many possible correct answers. For example,

"How did you...", "What happened next?" or "What are the possible implications of ...?" Closed-ended questions can have only 1 or 2 possible answers, such as "What's his name?" or "Do you want to do that on Monday or Wednesday at 2 PM?"

Use open-ended questions to encourage people to talk. (To encourage them even more, wait a couple of seconds after they stop speaking, to see if they will say any more.)

Use closed-ended questions to control the flow, if you only need specific information, or if you are in a hurry. Closed-ended questions at the start of a conversation with someone who is reluctant to speak are also effective; change to open-ended questions when the person relaxes.

Communication strategies for leadership development are available in an e-book packed with valuable tips like this! Executive Communication Techniques  has sections on 18 different vital communication techniques today's leaders need to know and use. This powerful e-book and individual coaching are by Business Speech Improvement.

Dating online? 3 Communication Tips

If you are dating online, and the e-mails and texts stop flying after a few exchanges, consider these tips.

First, the communication exchange is like a (written) conversation. Go back over it, if possible, and think about what you missed. Did you, for example, comment on the other person's responses and ask frequent questions, like you would in a conversation? Or did you expect the other person to carry the weight of the conversation and "draw you out", continuing to ask you questions so you could talk about yourself? (This might feel like being interviewed, for some people.) If one person is doing all the work to continue the conversation, he or she may decide it's not worth it. On the other hand, if the other person is responding barely, maybe it is because of shyness or maybe its due to a lack of interest.

Second, did you ask the other person how he/she prefers to communicate initially, whether on the dating site, e-mail, chatting online or via telephone? People have definite preferences on this.

If the other person mentioned a situation or problem she was having, how did you react? While this is to some degree a generalization, often women who are expressing problems want a listener (of either sex) to empathize, while a male wants a listener to try to solve the problem, if he can.

If nothing else works, and you are still interested in this person, mention that the correspondence has dropped off and ask if  there is still interest on the other person's part in continuing it.

Business Speech Improvement provides training in verbal skills, including a valuable e-book called "Small Talk:Connecting with Others".  It covers starting, continuing and ending a conversation, and many of the tips in it could be used during the beginning stages of dating online.