Dating online? 3 Communication Tips

If you are dating online, and the e-mails and texts stop flying after a few exchanges, consider these tips.

First, the communication exchange is like a (written) conversation. Go back over it, if possible, and think about what you missed. Did you, for example, comment on the other person's responses and ask frequent questions, like you would in a conversation? Or did you expect the other person to carry the weight of the conversation and "draw you out", continuing to ask you questions so you could talk about yourself? (This might feel like being interviewed, for some people.) If one person is doing all the work to continue the conversation, he or she may decide it's not worth it. On the other hand, if the other person is responding barely, maybe it is because of shyness or maybe its due to a lack of interest.

Second, did you ask the other person how he/she prefers to communicate initially, whether on the dating site, e-mail, chatting online or via telephone? People have definite preferences on this.

If the other person mentioned a situation or problem she was having, how did you react? While this is to some degree a generalization, often women who are expressing problems want a listener (of either sex) to empathize, while a male wants a listener to try to solve the problem, if he can.

If nothing else works, and you are still interested in this person, mention that the correspondence has dropped off and ask if  there is still interest on the other person's part in continuing it.

Business Speech Improvement provides training in verbal skills, including a valuable e-book called "Small Talk:Connecting with Others".  It covers starting, continuing and ending a conversation, and many of the tips in it could be used during the beginning stages of dating online.

Shy? How to make conversation at a social event

You're supposed to attend an important social gathering in the next few days, and you'd rather do anything but go. Worse yet, you know you need to make a good impression on those who are there,
but you are shy.

First, think about whether you will be having to make small talk with strangers as you mingle, or whether you will be seated at a table and only having to talk to those next to you. If you make small talk as you mingle, this means you will need to choose people with whom to speak. However, if the conversation fizzles after a good try, you can move on to talk to someone else!

To start small talk while mingling, try to locate 1-2 people who are by themselves or with just one other person. Try to catch the eye of one of them, which is a way of indicating interest and non-verbally asking permission to talk with the person. If no-one looks at you, stand perpendicular and slightly away from the person to whom you want to speak. When he or she looks at you, start by saying hello, and asking him or her a question. For example, "I understand we both work for XYZ Corporation, or are in the ABC field. I'm (say your name) and I wanted to learn more about what you do for them!"

When the other person answers,  give full attention, and ask a question about his earlier response. "So you work for the LMN Division! That always sounded interesting to me. What do you like best about it?"

If you are seated at a table and need to converse with those on both sides of you, choose one of them and ask a question to get the other person talking. For example, "I understand you are Pat's uncle. He is a good friend of mine! Do you live in the same community, or are you from someplace else?"

When the other person comments, follow up with a question based on something he has said, and sound truly interested. If appropriate, put in a few small comments about yourself, but keep the main focus on the other person.

People usually enjoy talking about themselves, and when they find an interested listener, it can be a rare treat!

For more techniques on how to start, continue and gracefully end a conversation, get the tip-filled practical e-book:

"Small Talk:Connecting with Others"!

It's getting close to Valentine's Day, and in the US, many people go to parties then. The big question comes up: what do you say to a stranger at one of these parties, if you want to know the person better? Before you go to the party, think of 5 questions you could ask someone there. You already have something in common with each of them - you are at the same event. Maybe you work for the same company or industry, or know the same host. One example might be " Hi! I'm (your name). I work as a (job title). What do you do in the X industry?" Let's say you have just bravely walked in the door to a room full of strangers. You know no-one there. As soon as you put your coat somewhere, look around and search for someone who is standing along. (If it helps, you can pretend to be the host at the party; some people do better if they imagine themselves in a role.) Often this person will be next to one of the walls, but not always. Look at him or her, and smile. If the person smiles (even slightly) back, go over and say hello. Tell the person your name and ask for his or hers. Then make a comment about the event and ask one of your questions. For example, "This is a terrific party! How do you know (the host)?" Be sure to respond to the other person's comments, and occasionally tell something about yourself as well. For more information on how to start, continue and graciously end your conversation, click here for the e-book, "Small Talk:Connecting with Others"! Learn the secrets of body language and conversational strategies to start that conversation and keep it flowing!

Relationship-building and trust

Building a business or a personal relationship takes consistency and trust. Consider these situations: A recruiter promises a sought-after candidate that people at fast-growing Company X have frequent opportunities for advancement Before signing anything, the candidate finds a current employee online and discovers that few insiders get considered for these new openings. The candidate no longer trusts anything else the recruiter tells him. A new customer of a car dealership buys a vehicle with an extended warranty. The dealership makes an error in servicing the vehicle, and the vehicle now needs expensive repairs. The dealership does it for free, as promised, and works hard to regain the customer's trust. Someone on a dating site misrepresents himself in his personal description, and a potential date discovers this. She now distrusts him, and refuses further communication with him. Consistency builds trust, and in the beginning of a business or personal relationship, trust is crucial. If trust is broken, the relationship is very hard to repair. Sometimes the person who erred can apologize and explain the situation, but often it takes considerable work over an extended period of time. In a new relationship, it often is not worth the effort by at least one of the parties. Promise only what you are sure you can deliver. Consistency is a key to trust. Business Speech Improvement provides intensive training in verbal skills, including communication skills for leadership development.

Body Language and Photos

Many people post professional and personal photos of themselves online. They want to seem inviting in a business or personal sense, but their bodies are telling others the opposite story.

The pose many people use is to fold their arms across their chests. This shows defensiveness to Americans, as if the person is not open to new ideas. Others put their hands in their pockets, as if they are hiding something. It is much better to have your hands at your sides. This implies openness to new invitations. If you must do something with your hands, have one hand hold something. If you already have a photo posted with a defensive posture, today is the day to make a more friendly one!
If your photo is for professional purposes, make it look professional. Wedding photos, photos of you with your significant other or cute child, or photos of you with your pet are not appropriate, unless of course you are in the wedding business, match-making business, are a school director or run a pet-related business.
If making small talk is also an issue, Small Talk:Connecting with Others is a concise e-book with numerous practical tips. Individual coaching is also available.

Business Speech Improvement provides intensive training in verbal skills, as well as body language. Individual coaching, small group open enrollment courses and valuable e-books are all available!

What is your body language saying in your photograph?

Do you have professional or personal photos posted online in networking sites or in paid advertisements? What is your body language conveying to viewers?

A remarkable number of photos show people with their arms crossed. This indicated a closed, or defensive, attitude. People looking at them often perceive this as someone who is not open to
others, which is exactly the opposite of what you should be conveying. Get your arms down!

Other photos show people frowning or looking very serious. While a serious expression may work in some professional settings, in a social networking site that indicates someone may not be friendly. The frowning expression is bad for all photos for publicity.

A third issue is whether a person appears relaxed in the photograph. People want to associate with others who appears comfortable with themselves.

Business Speech Improvement provides intensive training in verbal skills (and body language). Seminars and e-books are available.

Want "the gift of Blarney"?

Many people who are shy wish they could strike up conversations with strangers.
"Small Talk:Connecting with Others" is a unique e-book that explains the techniques others use naturally. Learn to decide who wants to talk, how to start, continue and end a conversation graciously.

Imagine how your life could change if you could talk to strangers whenever you chose.
What would this do to your personal and professional life?

Download Small Talk:Connecting with Others today!

Connecting with Strangers

Are you uncomfortable meeting strangers? If so, you have plenty of company!
If you go to a meeting, party, convention, new house of worship, or other event where you need to make connections, try some of these tips from my e-book, Small Talk:Connecting with Others
(www.BusinessSpeechImprovement.com). First, look approachable. Be well-groomed, smile and show good posture. Look around for others who are alone and seeking someone with whom to talk. Make eye contact and smile. If the other person does the same, go over to him or her. When you get there, use the tips in Small Talk: Connecting with Others to start a conversation!

What can you say on that first date?

It's almost time for all those Valentine's Day events, where many people mingle and look for that special someone. Or maybe you've already met someone and have invited him or her on a first date. What do you talk about with a stranger?

Small Talk: Connecting with Others (http://businessspeechimprovement.com/enabler/scripts/e_books.pl) is an e-book with some answers! Learn about questions that are perfect for a new date. (For that matter, they are also great for going to any kind of social or business event.) This down-loadable e-book has great questions to get you talking!