It's holiday season! Are you dreading the holiday parties?

The holidays will be here soon! Are you excited - or are you dreading them?

Do you try hard to avoid holiday events, or if you go, wish you could melt through the floor?

A vital skill in enjoying and otherwise often benefiting from holiday parties is the ability to make "small talk", or start a conversation with strangers. Some people know how to do this instinctively, but many people have to learn the technique.

Start by coming up with 5 questions you can ask anyone at the event. What could you have in common with these people? For example, do you live in the same community, work in the same industry or company, or share some other common interest? Before the event, check the local media so you can talk intelligently about local events, and write the 5 questions. Memorize them.

At the event, find someone who is also alone, and try to catch his eye. Go over to him and ask your questions. Really listen to his answers, and follow up with more questions. If no questions spark a conversation, say good-bye and find someone else.

For more details about starting, continuing and graciously ending a conversation, get the concise e-book Small Talk:Connecting with Others! Learn the "secrets" of this vital skill. Let this be the holiday season when your small talk skills shine!

           

        

Dating online? 3 Communication Tips

If you are dating online, and the e-mails and texts stop flying after a few exchanges, consider these tips.

First, the communication exchange is like a (written) conversation. Go back over it, if possible, and think about what you missed. Did you, for example, comment on the other person's responses and ask frequent questions, like you would in a conversation? Or did you expect the other person to carry the weight of the conversation and "draw you out", continuing to ask you questions so you could talk about yourself? (This might feel like being interviewed, for some people.) If one person is doing all the work to continue the conversation, he or she may decide it's not worth it. On the other hand, if the other person is responding barely, maybe it is because of shyness or maybe its due to a lack of interest.

Second, did you ask the other person how he/she prefers to communicate initially, whether on the dating site, e-mail, chatting online or via telephone? People have definite preferences on this.

If the other person mentioned a situation or problem she was having, how did you react? While this is to some degree a generalization, often women who are expressing problems want a listener (of either sex) to empathize, while a male wants a listener to try to solve the problem, if he can.

If nothing else works, and you are still interested in this person, mention that the correspondence has dropped off and ask if  there is still interest on the other person's part in continuing it.

Business Speech Improvement provides training in verbal skills, including a valuable e-book called "Small Talk:Connecting with Others".  It covers starting, continuing and ending a conversation, and many of the tips in it could be used during the beginning stages of dating online.

Shy? How to make conversation at a social event

You're supposed to attend an important social gathering in the next few days, and you'd rather do anything but go. Worse yet, you know you need to make a good impression on those who are there,
but you are shy.

First, think about whether you will be having to make small talk with strangers as you mingle, or whether you will be seated at a table and only having to talk to those next to you. If you make small talk as you mingle, this means you will need to choose people with whom to speak. However, if the conversation fizzles after a good try, you can move on to talk to someone else!

To start small talk while mingling, try to locate 1-2 people who are by themselves or with just one other person. Try to catch the eye of one of them, which is a way of indicating interest and non-verbally asking permission to talk with the person. If no-one looks at you, stand perpendicular and slightly away from the person to whom you want to speak. When he or she looks at you, start by saying hello, and asking him or her a question. For example, "I understand we both work for XYZ Corporation, or are in the ABC field. I'm (say your name) and I wanted to learn more about what you do for them!"

When the other person answers,  give full attention, and ask a question about his earlier response. "So you work for the LMN Division! That always sounded interesting to me. What do you like best about it?"

If you are seated at a table and need to converse with those on both sides of you, choose one of them and ask a question to get the other person talking. For example, "I understand you are Pat's uncle. He is a good friend of mine! Do you live in the same community, or are you from someplace else?"

When the other person comments, follow up with a question based on something he has said, and sound truly interested. If appropriate, put in a few small comments about yourself, but keep the main focus on the other person.

People usually enjoy talking about themselves, and when they find an interested listener, it can be a rare treat!

For more techniques on how to start, continue and gracefully end a conversation, get the tip-filled practical e-book:

"Small Talk:Connecting with Others"!

Small talk: a lot of blarney?

Blarney is a word that can mean flattery or nonsense, or in other words, flattery that is nonsense. A person who does this a lot is said to be "full of blarney". Small talk, on the other hand, is talking with a stranger in the hopes of either passing time or, more likely, making a connection between the two people. Flattery or nonsense are rarely involved. However, with St. Patrick's Day coming up, here are some tips on making small talk anyway. If you are in the midst of a conversation with a stranger and want to prolong it, a way to do this is to ask him or her to tell you more about the subject under discussion. If appropriate, ask a question, to show you are interested. If you want to leave the conversation, and only two of you are talking, give a reason so you have a stronger exit line. "It's been nice talking to you, but I need to go (to meet more people, to go out with my friend, etc)." If you want to connect with the person some other time, you could give him your business card, or simply write your e-mail or telephone number on a scrap of paper. "Small Talk:Connecting with Others" is a concise e-book that offers tips on starting, continuing and ending a conversation graciously. Small talk has big value; learn how to do it today!

Does your speech have the "gift of blarney"?

"Blarney" could be defined as a person who easily uses sophisticated speech that includes flattery. Such a person may be very persuasive, or at least is good at talking.

Do you feel shy or "tongue-tied" and wish you had this gift of speech? Here are three tips to help!

First, if you know the person, figure out what comments would be especially complimentary - her outfit, her work, even her diction. If you don't know the person, observe him or her and take an educated guess. Then say (or e-mail) a compliment related to that; it could even be a metaphor such as "Your eyes are the color of the bluest summer sky."

Second, in a party or conference where you would meet strangers, look for someone who is alone, make eye contact, and smile at him or her. If the other person smiles back, go over and talk, using a sentence and a question. "This is a great conference! Is it the first time you've come?"

If you are uneasy about talking to strangers because you don't know how to get out of a conversation, use a reason such as
"It's been nice to meet you, but I have to meet some other people now. Bye!" Then be sure to do exactly what you have said.

Small Talk:Connecting with Others is packed with valuable tips on making "the gift of blarney" easier to learn.
It and other e-books and coaching are offered by Business Speech Improvement.

How to assess your business communication skills

1. Actually listen to yourself talking. Is your telephone greeting automatically cheerful, clear and professional? Can every word be clearly understood by the listener? Do people often look puzzled, or ask you to repeat yourself?

2. When you meet a stranger at a gathering, do you know how to make small talk with him if you choose to do so?

3. How's your hearing? Three groups are most at risk - and one of them is a surprise to many employers. The three are older employees, starting in their late 50's, those exposed to loud noise, and...employees in their late teens and twenties who use earbuds while playing music too loudly. (Twenty percent of teens and those in their early twenties have some signs of hearing loss.) If in doubt, get your hearing acuity checked by a certified audiologist - and wear ear protection when exposed to loud noise (such as lawn mowers).

4. When you try to persuade someone, do you first think of his needs before you plan your reasoning? For example, does he need something done fast, accurately, at less cost, more conveniently or in a simpler manner?

5. If you are an executive, how are your skills in professional listening, delegating, employee retention, leading brain-storming sessions, making employees feel connected to the company and verbalizing ideas concisely?
Most of an executive's work involves professional-level communication skills; do yours need an upgrade?

Business Speech Improvement offers small group seminars, individual coaching, and coaching via telephone or Skype (in selected states only). For details, go here.

E-books on presentation skills, speaking slower, diction, American English pronunciation practice, making small talk,  executive communication skills, or communicating with someone with a hearing loss, click here.

Imagine yourself or your employees with better communication - and visit Business Speech Improvement today!